February

by Carlos Garibay

There was a blonde that lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue. She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed.
In a panic, she called 911. They answered and asked, "Is there an emergency?"
The blonde replied, "Yes, my shed is on fire!"
"Don't panic, help is on the way. Where do you live?"
"In a house!" she answered.
Calmly, "How are we supposed to get there?"
The blonde answered back, "Duh! In a big red truck!"


A Mafia's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear Baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year , so I want a new..." He looked at it, then crumpled it up into a ball and threw it away.
He gets out a new pice of paper and writes again, "Dear Baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throw it away.
He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear Baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

November Funnies

Billy Bob's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine and your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother... he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," says the doctor.

The new mother says, "Wow, that's a beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise." Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew."


Did you know that studies have indicated that diarrhea is actually a hereditary disease?Yep… It runs in the jeans!

A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up."

Right away, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Jokes

by Brittany Fitzgerald

Things to do in the bathroom stall:

• Cheer and clap loudly every time someone breaks the silence with a body function noise.
• Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds, then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place.
• Sing "Who Let the Dogs Out?". Real loud.
• Flush the toilet and make drowning noises.

Yo mama is so poor she waves an popsickle around in the air and calls it air conditioning.

Yo mama is so short she can sit on a dime and swing her legs.

Yo mama is so old she owes Moses a dollar.